


Upgrades and Setbacks

by Semebay



Series: The Toaster Who Shot Me [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Gen, Stalking, Toasters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-01
Updated: 2014-03-01
Packaged: 2018-01-14 03:14:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1250614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Semebay/pseuds/Semebay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a month since Steve brought home his new toaster, and everything was going fine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Upgrades and Setbacks

Steve hides the new toaster in his bedroom. He is not ashamed to say he fears for its life; if the Stark-spawn in the kitchen ever finds out about it, he'll probably lose his entire floor to the flames it leaves in its little metal wake.

No one notices anything, for which he is forever grateful. While he'd worried about Barton blowing the whole thing (the man was always around when the toaster decided to rebel, and he always laughed instead of helping Steve escape from certain death), he was more worried about Tony. Tony liked to toss his weight around and used obnoxiousness as both a weapon and a shield, but he was built around the belief that anything wrong could be fixed with an upgrade, which is what led to the toaster setting rye bread on fire and cavorting with the microwave.

 _Cavorting with the microwave_ , what is his life?

So he hides the toaster in his bedroom, behind the uncomfortable skinny jeans in his closet, and he enjoys his rye bread (perfectly toasted, delicious with jam and butter), and he avoids insulting the toaster and touching the microwave, and he finds himself not visiting the medical floors as often to grab burn salves.

His mental state gets better, and he starts to feel silly for crying on Maria Hill's shoulder during that stressful meeting the month before.

Then his careful planning comes undone. He walks into the dining room one night to find Barton seated at one end of the ridiculously large table, Tony seated opposite so that they have to yell to hear one another. Tony has the toaster in his hands, a screwdriver in his mouth, and what looks like a pacemaker laying on the table beside him.

The pacemaker is a welcome sight, because he's pretty sure his heart just stopped.

"You!" Tony says immediately, and he waves the toaster at Steve. "You. Barton says you never eat breakfast."

"I eat breakfast," Steve says quickly. Too quickly, he realizes when Barton's eyes narrow and Tony stops shaking the toaster. "I eat out a lot," he also says, and remembers that there is an AI in the ceiling that records everything everyone does and probably sends it straight to Tony. "Donuts."

"No more toast?" Barton says, eyes wide because he's a nosy jerk. Or because he's honestly confused. Steve hasn't figured out what his deal is yet, but he will. Someday.

"Toast? What is toast?" Tony asks, and Steve is only half sure he's joking.

"Have you ever had a Boston cream? They're really good." Steve keeps his eyes on the toaster, which Tony has started to pull apart from the bottom.

"Whatever. Don't care. Barton says el toaster supreme-o has been burning bread, so he's getting a new temperature sensor and some other little fun bits," which is what led to the toaster getting an AI in the first place, _thank you Tony_. "He'll be pretty in the morning, and you can heat up your bread or you donuts- _do you really put donuts in the toaster, Steve_? No wonder it wasn't letting you touch it."

"I wasn't," Steve starts, but Tony is already mumbling about wires getting crossed and his need for coffee and spirits, so he lets his voice fade.

"In the morning, Steve," Tony says, and Barton salutes him when he leaves the room.

When the morning comes and Steve wanders out of his bedroom, content after a breakfast of rye bread covered in butter and blackberry jam, he discovers that one of the toaster's new upgrades was a charging port and the ability to travel the tower at will.

He slams the door on the wireless toaster that sits menacingly outside the door to his rooms. He tears up a little at the thought that his month of progress has met a major setback, then sits down to watch a movie to lift his spirits and give him a little bit of hope that everything will turn out okay.

He settles on _Marley & Me_.


End file.
